Dane CookDane Cook wants to make you laugh.
The Boston-born funnyman and actor is on a nationwide tour supporting the release of his latest comedy album/DVD, Comedy Central's ISolated INcident, bringing his foul-mouthed wisecracks about watching porno, drinking alcohol… and his dead mother. His next stop: Nov. 5 at New York's 20,000-seat Madison Square Garden.
But first, to help out any potential ticket buyers, SPIN asked Cook -- a devout music fan -- to reveal his 10 live concert "Dont's." You can add yours in the comments section below:
10. "Don't eat anything off the arena's food grid. Hot dog, popcorn, and beer sold at concessions is fine. Stay away from the guy selling king crab legs out of an ice bucket behind a trashcan."
9. "Don't use a bathroom stall if the prior occupant comes out covered head to toe in their own shit."
8. "Don't buy tickets from a scalper if it's printed on what he nervously coins, 'advanced napkin technology.'"
7. "Don't enter the mosh pit hoping to meet that special someone. Yeah, that's not really the place that kind of stuff goes down."
6. "Don't think you will impress a crowd who has fake lighter applications on their cell phones by actually lighting your cell phone on fire."
5. "Don't -- DO NOT -- try to catch the confetti."
4. "Don't try to cop a feel of the girl's tit crowd surfing over you. Karma corrects that by instantly having her high heel jam in your eye socket."
3. "Don't yell out, 'I JUST BEAT THIS SONG ON HARD MODE IN GUITAR HERO!' We all know it wasn't you; it was your nine-year-old mentally challenged cousin."
2. "Don't dance if you are a guy, and don't just stand there if you are a girl."
1. "Don't puke until all the lights go out. When they do go out, don't puke on your friends. If you are surrounded by friends, ask yourself, 'Who would never give me a ride to the airport?' then exhale like a flu-riddled dragon on 'em."
Is this really worthy of an article? I mean really, are any of these things 10 things funny?
Dane Cook is an idiot. It's comedy with training wheels. It is really disappointing that he has become the face of comedy for our generation. Talk about dumbing down.
I love the fact that your grammar is atrocious and your trolling is unoriginal. (The preceding sentence contains sarcasm.)
nope...not funny at all.
you know what. you're the dumbass. Dane Cook is one of the funniest people out there. You're just jealous because all these things probably apply to you. you sucky guitar hero player.
your an asshole, hating on dane cook, i hope you wake up being masturbated on by a thousand gay guys, like really , why hate. no one agrees with you, hes obviously doing better than you are.
Wow. You are the perfect example of a stereotypical Dane Cook fan. Spin gives people the choice to comment on this article. I think it's good for people to review it and hear other people's opinions on whether they liked the article or not. It's a very simple concept that people can do on the internet. Apparently Dane Cook fans can't understand that, nor can they handle the fact that some people just don't find him funny (like me), so, instead they post a comment about a bunch of gay guys masturbating. Huh...seems to me you made yourself look like a gay dumbass.
dude, really? If you don't like the guy, don't read the article. was your typing really worth the five minutes you took to find the "f" key?
Read your second sentence moron.
I totally agree with the first guy! Dane Cook has NEVER been funny...he is the "idiocracy" of comedians. The greats (George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Chris Farley) would be ashamed at what comedy has come to...
Know the deffinition before you TRY to use it in an insult!
Idiocracy or Idiocrasy: 1. a characteristic, habit, mannerism, or the like, that is peculiar to an individual.
2. Peculiarity of constitution; that temperament, or state of constitution, which is peculiar to a person; idiosyncrasy.
Maybe your trying to be clever, and MAYBE it just isn't that successful. LOSER!
Perhaps before you begin to criticize others for their mistakes, you should be certain that you are not making any yourself. Definition has one f; you're trying to be clever (not your).
Pshh, You wish you were as funny as Dane Cook. Your proboly some weird anime loving freaks that probobly never has had a boyfriend or girlfriend.You wouldnt know comedy if it hit you in your ... If you were a stand up comedian they wouldnt be laughing at your jokes, theyd be laughing at your face.
DANE COOK IS HILARIOUS and if you don't think so, don't read an article that has his name in the title. DUH stupid idiots. it annoys me when people read things about people they don't like and then can't keep their stupid negative comments to themselves. obviously there are people who think dane cook is funny, or he wouldn't be famous. we are entitled to think he is funny, just as you are entitled to think he isn't. you are only making yourself look stupid for even clicking on this article when you KNEW it was about dane cook. duh.
If ya hate the guy so much why the fuck you read the list you incompetent pessimistic fuck, get a life and if you dont like somthing stay away from it and dont hate on someone that makes good money and fills stadiums because you cant. just go back to crying and materbating tell you fall asleep and wake up to spend another day of your pathetic life acheiving nothing
ok I have read all of the comments. It took a while, but I have to say this to all of the dane cook fans; I personally love dane cook, I think he is freakin hallarious. that being said I agree with all of the negitive comments as they relate to this post not dane cook as a comedian. He is hallarious but OMGF this is the most retarded and unfunny thing I have ever seen associated with his name.
I can understand why some people don't like dane cook, he is a little off the wall and as a rule his comedy is ment for the immature undereducated crowd that follows Larry the Cable guy (before I am verbally casterated for this please listen to his bit about shitting on the coats and think before you speak). This type of comedy exists for a reason and someone else mentioned richard pryor as one of the greats a bit ago, he specificly appealed to the mass undereducated black comunity and he himself once said that his "nitch" in comedy is limmited to that select following. although that following was huge so is dane cooks. Just because you don't get it does not mean talking down to people is right. On the other hand us dane cook fans are kind of being a big mean and ignorant sounding ourselfes from what I have read
oh cmon you fkface, get a life and aprecciate some comedy. Have a sense of humor and if you dont like it then dont comment on it, go watch some hannah montana you 10 year old.
It's not whether Dane Cook is funny or not, it all depends on what you think is funny and what type of sense of humor you have. What some people think is hilarious, other people think is just plain dumb. Take for instance this article, some people thought it was funny while others just found this plain ole dumb and pointless. So instead of wasting your time arguing if Dane is funny or not in comments on a magazine article, go do something worth your time
You must be completely nuts. I just saw Dane Cook live in Canada, and he was absolutely entertaining. He had a crowed of 15, 000 plus. Now if he is so terrible, how could he fill an entire arena with fans chanting his name?
Dane Cook IS comedy.
I just never got Dane Cook. I'm sure he's funny to many people. I'm just not one them.
Since when is Dane Cook still relevant?
Never...go mosh pitting with flip flops. You will lose them and probably pull a toenail backwards.
Finally, one person used this comments section to do what SPIN suggested, which was to add your own "Don'ts" to Dane Cook's (in my opinion, lame) list of 10. Thank you! And you are so right! Flipflops in mosh pit = bad idea!! As are any accessories, jewelry, glasses, hats, pockets full of money, cell phones, and hairweaves!
I think Dane Cook is the most unfunny over rated comedian on the planet...This article was a waste of my time and your energy to type. Cmon spin.....you can do better than this.
Wamp, wamp.
Years since he's been on top and Dane Cook still remains unfunny and uninspired.
What about concert couples though? Maybe that's opening a can of worms.
http://songsandcigarettes.blogspot.com
Hilarious....people need to take take form their own self involvement and enjoy simple things
Spin printing this was meant to be ironic. right? right?
Don't go to a Dane Cook show.
AWWWW WAH! Like all of you people who posted above are actually "inspired OR funny" the guy has been around for awhile and quite frankly he is funny.If you don't get it fine...there are hundreds of people that think he is, and I'm one of them...so to 'idlehands" "smulligan" and "idiot"(aptly named) a big SUFI to ya.
I'm willing to give Dane Cook the benefit of the doubt and assume that perhaps once in his life he'll say something funny that he came up with all on his own. Yep, still waiting...
How about not be Dane Cook? That sounds like something not to do at a rock show. He'd go up and tell an absolutely hilarious and all-original joke like, "HEY! What's the difference between men and women? Men LIE!" HAHAHAHAHAHA yeah, I don't think so. Dane Cook should go back into his exile. Spin should be ashamed for running something on their website with this absolute dipshit of a comedian.
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